Barry Cotter was just a boy when he was attacked by a purple wizard (sorry… we can’t say "dark" or we’ll get sued). It was a great evil purple wizard by the name of Lord Moldybutt. On attacking him, the purple wizard Moldybutt, gave Barry a bone-shaped scar (sorry, we can’t say "lightning shaped" or we’ll be sued for copyright infringement…). After attacking Barry, the purple wizard was about to leave when Barry, suddenly, released a lethal amount of fart gas.
Moldybutt was killed instantly. Or so it seemed…
Barry was taken to his rant and funcle’s house to live until he was ready to re-enter the wizarding world (sorry, we can’t say "aunt and uncle"… why? we don’t feel like it!). He slept in the cupboard under the sink… with a leaky pipe. Every morning, his cousin Smudley would turn on the tap and get him wet. Smudley was a… well… "rounded" sorta kid.
Smudley went to St. Jiggle Jaggle’s School for "rounded" boys. Barry went to the mourge. He learned many a interesting things in there. One of them was where the gizzard is located. Another is how to get rid of a kidney stone (Which, he found out, was both easy and painful…)
One day, a letter came to Barry it was addressed:

Mr. B. Cotter, Little Dingy Driveway
The Cupboard under the sink, which is constantly turned
on by a grotesque and rotund 11 year-old boy

But before he could read it, his funcle Burnin snatched it away. "Who would be writing to you?!" he said opening the letter. He suddenly gasped and choked on his morning bagel. "Rant Bugonia! Get in here!" he wheezed, spitting crumbs all over poor skinny Barry. Barry quickly sprawled on the floor to eat the crumbs.
Rant Bugonia entered the room. She looked like an underfed donkey with oversized front teeth. She quickly said in a high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!"
As she said this, she tripped over Barry, which made him regurgitate the crumbs. He quickly ate the crumbs again. He also, in his hurry to get the crumbs before the neighbor’s dog did, accidently consumed what he hoped was a dust bunny. Either that, or funcle Burnin was shedding again. Rant Bugonia quickly ripped up his letter. "Here," she said, "Eat your vegetables," and threw the bits of paper at Barry, who quickly ate them up. (yes… Barry is that hungry)
The next day, there was another four letters at their doorstep. Barry was picking through the garbage, when funcle Burnin threw the letters in the fire.
Over the next week, the letters came so frequently that his funcle had to nail the mail slot shut. Lucky for Barry, there was some leftover wood and nails. He didn’t really want to eat the nails, but his rant made him. You know… healthy for him… lots of iron.
On the last day of the week, Sunday, funcle Burnin looked content. "Wonderful day, Sunday," said funcle Burnin, "and you know why, Barry?" Barry looked up from his half eaten snail shell, which he found in the garden (it’s healthy… a lot of calcium…) Barry nodded. "No post…," he blurted gleely as some of his coffee spilled on the floor. Barry immediatly abandoned the snail shell, and crawled towards the spilt coffee and began to lick it up. "No siree! No post on Sunday!" exclaimed funcle Burnin. After licking up the coffee, Barry went back to his snail shell. "No bloody post today!" funcle Burnin yelled. Suddenly, the "house" began to shake. Hundreds of letters started shooting out of the fireplace. "Buffet!" shouted Barry as he ate letters. "That’s it!" said Burnin, "We’re moving somewhere they’ll never find us!"
They packed and moved to a hotel. That night they heard a door knock. "I have mail for a Mr. B. Cotter?!" shouted the freckly young man.
It was addressed:

Mr. B. Cotter, Asphault View Inn,
Room 319, floor by the vent.

Funcle Burnin quickly ripped it up. "Further! We must go further!" he screeched.
Once again, they packed up and moved out. This time, funcle Burnin rented a small boat which, lucky for Barry, had a lot of barnacles and seaweed. Upon arriving on a rock Island, Barry had a mouthful of barnacles. The Bursleys slept in a warm cozy cabin, while Barry slept in his outhouse.
At 12 o’ clock midnight, Barry heard a watch alarm go off. He woke up with a start. "Wow," he whispered to himself, "It’s my birthday…" He looked around the room and saw what looked like a "cake". Not even giving a second thought to what it was, he pounced on it and gobbled it up. "Well," he sighed, "It’s no snail shell, but it will do…" Just then, the door flew open and smacked Barry in the head. He collapsed. "Woops!" said the strange man. Barry woke up in time to follow the tall man to the cabin. He kicked down the door. Suddenly, there was a loud squeek and a scream from inside. "Fluffy!" screamed Bugonia. "Uh oh… the neighbors aren’t going to like this!" They had borrowed the neighbor’s poodle to keep guard in case any pesky owls tried to deliver mail again. "I gotta watch wer’ I kick these doors!" said the man. "Oh! I’m here to pick up Barry!" "Excuse me…" exclaimed Barry, "But who the hack are you?!" "I’m Doodius Bagrat! Keeper of fleas and mounds at Pigwarts School of Witchcrap and Wizardpee!" he replied. "WHAT?!" "You’re a wizard, Barry… where do you think yer’ mum an’ dad learned it all?" For such a large man, Bagrat sounded a lot like a girl. "Learned ‘it’? WHAT IS ‘IT’?! Be specific, you big oaf!" yelled Barry. "Sorry Barry…" "I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!" Burnin barked. "Aw… stuff it in your ear, Bursley!" Bagrat squeeked as he pointed his walking stick at Smudley’s fat face. Something shot out and hit him. He burst into flames and ran around shrieking. "Woops… wrong spell!" "Smudley!" cried Bugonia running after him. "Uh… let’s go, Barry…" he pushed him out the door.
There was a broom floating right outside. It was different than any broom he had ever seen. It had a steering wheels, two rows of seats, and a large speaker tied to the back. There was music blasting from it… "Drop it like it’s hot! Drop it like it’s hot!…" "Riiiiiiight…" said Bagrat "Hop in the back and lez’ ride!"
A few hours later, Barry sat twitching by a blazing fire, huddled in blankets. "Sorry bout’ the hydrolics, Barry. I just got em’ last week." mumbled Bagrat. "Oh! An’ here’s yer’ cake!" he suddenly squeeked, pulling out a smashed cake from his back pocket. "Don’t mind the stains…" but Barry didn’t mind, he dove on it and began devouring it. "Wait! Let me take off the wrapper!" Bagrat yelled, but Barry growled at him.
"The wrapper’s the best part!" he hissed. "Uh… if you insist…" exclaimed Bagrat, as he backed away. "We’ll get your school supplies tomorrow then…"

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i know that this is a long story, but im worse off than ever. im almost 21 years old, and ive never been in any kind of relationship, not physical nor emotional. kinda sad, i know. i fell in love with a girl named katie. shes almost 19 and she has the most beautful face i have ever seen. i met her 6 or 7 months ago when she was living with my cousin andrea. we became friends pretty quickly, we had alot in common and we both liked getting stoned. ( i dont do that any more for what its worth) i knew from the moment i laid eyes on her that i would never meet some one that perfect again, or so i thought. even though we were just friends, we had so much in common and i always wanted something more. but i never knew how to tell her, i dont have any experience in this field. i thought about her more and more and it got to the point that no other female even existed. i knew in the begining that she didnt feel anything for me. but i was more than willing to take the time and effort to show her i was worth the chance. after she moved out of my cousin andrea’s house she started calling me everynight at like midnight. we would talk for hours, but it was never long enough. i honestly thought she was taking an interest in me and i had never been happier. this went on for a couple of weeks. finally she calls me at like 12 or 1 am and she wanted me to come over to her apartment. ofcourse i came over there. when i got there she was kind of drunk, but i got the feeling like she wanted me to make a move. i didnt, but she kept getting phone calls and texts. so the moment was never right. we went to this gas station and by chance she ran in to her old high school buddy brandon. she told him to come by and he eventually showed up and inturupted us. i eventually left and he stayed. dont know if anything happened with them. but after that night she continued to call me, but less and less. and she would never have me back over again. the times i tried she made up crap excuses to keep me away. but i could hear his voice in the background. she told me the phone she borrowed from her mom got taken back. and i had no way to call her. (this turned out to be a lie). after weeks of depression she was all i could think about. i finally decided to write her a letter that told her everything that i didnt know how. i left this letter on her doorstep to find. i hear back from her a couple hours later. she didnt have the decency to atleast call, so she texts me saying that she never felt anything for me and she didnt want to see or hear from me again. how cold is that? a text message. it wasnt untill later that night that my cousin andrea tells me the truth. she was the biggest skank in this town. shes only 19 years old and shes been with several guys. even worse, she continued to sleep with guy after guy the entire time. including my cousin craig. but he was the only quality guy she got with. the rest were these punkass ganster wannabe thugs with nothin goin for them, no kinda men. and she never had a relationship with any of them. just one night stands. she was always a liar. she had nothing worth loving , i see this now. she dropped out of high school. arrested for shoplifting ( more than once). she was on probation and drug court, but refused to stop taking pills and drinking. i didnt judge her for smoking pot, i did for years. but she is ruiining her life and if she continues this path she’ll wind up dead, in jail, hooked on drugs, stuck with an STD, or raising some kid not knowing who the father is. that prospect hurts the worst because she is so beautiful and could have any guy she wanted, but she doesnt want to give herself the life she deserves. now i know who she really is, the girl i fell in love with never really existed. she was an illusion that i created in my head because i didnt want to see the real her. i only wanted to see her beauty, which i now see is only skin deep. i sent her one last message that told her what i think of her now. that she was a drugged out skank that didnt love her self. she was a lying, using sociopath and that she deserves a better life. one that i would have givin her but i never would now. i told her so much more. horrible, hurtful, hating things that i feel terrible for saying. but it was justified to a degree. and here i am now. heartbroken and lost. but as much anger and animosity as i have, i cant stop thinking about her. no one can fall out of love over night. i can hardly sleep, i threw up in the drive way at 2 am last night just thinking about her. as much as i hate to admit it, i am still in love with her. i know that it will never happen with us, nor would i want it to. but i see her face everytime i try to sleep and her face is still there when i wake up. i had a dream that i told her the things i messaged her and that i hate her and hope she dies. and she wound up in the hospital dying, and i gave her my kidney so that she could live. that alone says i still feel for her. im a decent loo

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My cousin was recently diagnosed with kidney stones and the doctor basically said she would either have to have surgery or she would be off and on antibiotics and pain medicine. Is there any home remedies to help her with the pain?

Technorati Tags: antibiotics, cousin, home remedies, kidney stone, kidney stones, medicine, pain medicine