How would you feel if none of your relatives even offer to donate one of their kidneys to you?

I have a kidney failure and the waiting list for a kidney where I live can take between 7-10 years longer for me since I am Type O positve. For now I’ve been getting dialysis treatment 4 times a week and am getting worse since now I also have Lupus. One of my sisters had hers tested but when UCLA called her to let her know that she’s a match, she never called them back. My Dad and sister would tell people how sorry they feel for me and that they want to donate their kidney but it’s all talk. When they needed things from me, I was always helping, now that I need help, they are all gone. How would you feel about this situation? I have 3 kids and my husband is not a match so he can’t donate. I’ve decided to stay out of my familys life for now because it hurts to know that no one seems to care.
My sister has no kids and she can no longer have one per MD because of her age. No husband either. But everytime she needs someone, it is who is there for her.

  1. ktterdfurguson, 18 May, 2010

    I would be CRUSHED to know that a family member of mine was a match and did nothing to help me! I was always taught that your family are the only people you can count on! I am
    O-something, but I drink twice a week, so I doubt you would want MY kidney!!! But I would GLADLEY give it to you !!!
    When it comes right down to it, blood is all that matters! You turn your back on blood, no matter what the circumstances, shame should come to you, TENFOLD!!!
    I am SO SORRY you have to go through all of this!!!
    Worst comes to worse, if they will take it, you can have one of mine!!!
    Good luck to you and Godspeed!!!
    (Seriously, I would do it!!!)

  2. tgibbyson, 18 May, 2010

    I am so incredibly sorry that your sister and Dad are acting that way. They should be there for you. Especially with your sister being a match. I know I would give my sister one. Does she have children? It could be that she thinks she may have to give them one someday. You never know but I would definitely ask her!! Sounds like she wanted to help or she would have never been tested but now she has cold feet for some reason. I think you should sit down and have a real heart to heart with her. It could be her husband stopping her or you never know. You should let her know how deeply hurt you are at her. Good luck to you

  3. brkshandilya, 18 May, 2010

    It’s one of the biggest crying shame I have heard in many years.All of us have two kidneys and nobody has ever been disadvantaged by donating one kidney ,so far.The response of your parents is most disgusting of all.I pray and hope that you get a donator at the earliest and get well soon. God Bless.

  4. firechick1721, 18 May, 2010

    i would be really sad.. especially knowing that i would do it for them… if i could… i would at least take the chance to find out if my kidney would work for them… i dontate blood and have signed up to donate bone marrow… its making me cry just to read your message…. i do alot of volunteer work and would do anything to help another… how can you help yourself if you cannot help another… ask them that.. hopefully they will open their eyes and see… if not i feel sorry for them.. good luck!!

  5. christibro40, 18 May, 2010

    Hi, Im Chris and have Lupus to, but with autoimmune hepatitis. I know someday I will need a liver transplant. My fear is that no one will lend me a piece of their liver which does grow back. I know I would be crushed, I also know giving a living donation is huge, and scary. But your family said they would be there for you, and they are not. So they are sounding hypocritical, arent they. For you a big let down, and a feeling of being used. Plus like you, I have been admitted to UCLA. It is a great medical facility, and would care for you and them.

    If your sister got tested by UCLA to be tested and never got back to them when it came back a match, I would probablly cut her off as well. what a let down. Dyalisis for 7-10 yrs is no way of livimg, obviously they have no clue how grueling it is.

    So many people are talk until crunch time hits, but we can not force people into action. They are being selfish, or scared they will develop Lupus, and want to keep their kidneys as a just in case.

    But your hurt, betrayle, and emotional pain are real. Im the type that has to let it all spill. i would send each member who was a match a letter, not mean, but letting them know how hurt and dissapointed you are. Just get it out. send it or dont, up to you, after that, let it go, and focus on you, your husband and kids. all you can do. But keeping pent up anger is just bad, as a fellow Lupus paitent, I know this. I always get more ill and nastier flares when I let that happen.

    Get outside family support, aska social worker, counsler, join an online support group…..

    All my best

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